This is a guest post by Lt Cdr Vibhuti Agarwal (Retd).
The Mumbo Jumbo of Personality
Wow! She has a terrific personality, but… what about me?
Do I look good? Am I cool enough? Here, we have a mini personality and personal development plan, little inspiration for all moms feeling lack of self confidence.
Well, if you have ever run any of these three questions in your head, then read on. By the time you finish reading, you would have a smile on your face, a spark in your eyes and additional energy in your gait. what I talk about here is not only about personality, but selfcare and holistic personal development.
Personality is all about a beautiful smile, a wonderful heart and open arms. As we run through this page, let us figure out this personality gig. We may not know each other, but we are all sisters, helping each other build stronger images of our own selves. These are a few pointers which I keep reminding myself as I look at the girl in the mirror and as I experience the seasons of life, because after all it is about looking within for inspiration.
Building the girl in me, the woman I respect.
- Who am I?
- Love yourself, love your size, shape, complexion, skin and hair. What the beauty industry tells you is meant only for the beauty industry. Beauty of a woman lies in her smile, patience, compassion, feelings, thoughts and actions.
- Throw these things out of the window: guilt, low self-esteem, ‘I’m not good enough’. Give yourself a hug and usher in, ‘I am sooooo beautiful’, ‘I love myself’, ‘It is OK that I made a few mistakes, I have learnt my lessons and am growing wiser’.
2. Dress de-stress
- Clean ironed clothes of any style are good.
- For interviews: If you love Indian wear, have at least one formal kurta with a simple dupatta that can be slung on a single shoulder. A plain saree always looks classy. If western wear, a formal trouser with a light coloured shirt goes well. Hair tied up in a bun gives a tidy look.
- Have a black and brown pair of formal bellies. A pair of sport shoes. These would be adequate, unless you love fashion. I’ve never had more than 5 pairs of footwear.
3. The walk, the talk, the unspoken
- Walk, talk, sit straight… have a good posture. Yoga, walks, exercise, breathing techniques help.
- Stand against the wall for back correction. Practice walking while balancing a paper glass on your head. I’ve always admired the rustic village girls with earthen pots on their heads, what stride, what style and charm!
4. Practice what you speak and how you speak:
- Clear well-formed sentences with the right tone / modulation are tools of expression.
- What language you speak is not important, ability to speak English is over emphasized. Be proud of your mother tongue.
- Silence works well when you are angry, tired or irritated. Let that moment pass. All humans must master to express their feelings and opinions.
- Say what you like or dislike, but rationally and respectfully. It is a helpful skill to master the ability to express your feelings and your needs.
You may like this article about my life story here
5. This is me:
- Create ‘me time’. Invest in it. It could be listening to music with a face mask/pack or sipping tea by your window after a good shower.
- Give time to your hobbies- trekking, reading, dancing, shopping (no indulgence, only moderation)!
- Select a beautiful and happy picture of yours, preferably with someone you love. It could be your childhood photograph with your grandparents or anything that makes you feel that you are you. Use that as your WhatsApp / FB profile picture. You will begin to be more accepting of what and who you are, of the wonder God has created of you.
6. This is what I can be:
- Learn a skill, master it. It is better if it is related to your interests: cooking, drawing, singing, studying, oratory, dressing up well, computers, mantra recital, mathematics, spiritualism, reading, working professionally. It may be related to art or craft / academics / professional knowledge. Invest your time and energy in learning / gaining knowledge/ empowering yourself. You would be a better version of yourself by trying and stepping forward.
- Start reading the newspaper / news app to be aware of current affairs. Reading nurtures the mind.
- Learn how to ride a scooter / cycle/ motorcycle/ car / jeep, to be able to be independent to meet your daily requirements.
- Be fearless. Make mistakes. Try, learn, grow.
7. The plastic glam girl, I wouldn’t be:
- Remember that fashion shows, television programmes, other people’s Facebook and Instagram posts, brands don’t rate our personality or define who we are. We are, who we are. We define our own standards of excellence.
8. Me and my people:
- Have at least one friend who you respect. Respect is different from love, laughter, fun. Filter out / restrict time with friends who make you feel inferior. Better to have friends who accept you with your flaws and nurture you.
- Work on all your relationships joyfully. We all work on friends and relatives. By ‘all’, I mean your maid, neighbours, hawkers, shop keepers, school teachers and all people in the community.
- Work on your relationship with God. It need not be ritualistic. Simple heart to heart communication when you hit the bed each night and after your bath. It is a fool proof solution for all personality traits!! He guides, leads, protects and shepherds. Prayers are a tool to further our plans. Prayers are a weapon to fight our follies and roadblocks.
- Stay in touch with your parents, children, friends and teachers wherever you may be. They will build you up in your downtime, encourage you when you need them, show you the righteous path when you can go astray, bring out your grey areas when you falter and love you unconditionally.
9. The party begins:
- Enjoy your outings, dress up in a way that makes you feel beautiful. It may be your favourite perfume or lipstick or none at all!
- If you drink, ‘enjoy ‘your own drink, don’t go over board to please friends with a one more, one more.
- Be the person in charge and in control of what your feel / think / speak and do. Don’t go overboard in anything.
- Use the magic words: thank you, sorry, may I, please, excuse me. Warm gestures, generous smiles, good manners add an aura to every personality. Help, whenever you can.
- Pray. Love and peace within, radiates love and peace around.
The above is the essence. These practices may take time to develop, so, there are some quick solutions too.
The instant solution to deal with peer pressure:
If you want a quick one, wear a pair of goggles, wash your hair well and leave it open, wear your favourite dress, your loved lipstick, sit at the steering wheel, click a pic and post on FB!! It’ll give you a high!! 😊😊.
Rethink. Give this one a thought.
Write down what according to you is personality.
What makes you feel that you need personality development? What is it that you feel you lack?
Is it others who make you feel that you need to work on your personality. Do you think they are right or could they be wrong?
Most important: What is it that you feel if you gain you will have a good personality. Can these traits be learnt / practiced? Do you need others help for this or only your will power and practice?
Rethink over, who you are, what you are meant to be, and how you can rise to your full potential. Work on it!
I’m not qualified or trained to write this. My only ‘experience’ in the field is being a 42-year-old married woman with 2 kids and all bag and baggage that life offers.
Love and light,
Lt Cdr Vibhuti Agarwal (Retd).
Vibhuti is an author of a book, The Inner Chord, printed in 2003. She is a dreamer, a lover, a poet, a writer and often smitten by the wander lust, explores the countryside with her family.